On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize