Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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