I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
