so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
