so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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