wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
