I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
