ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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