Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You took a bar mat shot.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
