We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
