I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
