yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
