He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize