she woke up with a sticky ear
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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