forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Randomize
