the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
