Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
