I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
