I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
