I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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