Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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