I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize