Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
