I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I've blown a few things in my day
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
