Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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