how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
