I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
nutella sex= disaster
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
