Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
