Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize