i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
