I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
