so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
