My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
