Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
