Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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