True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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