yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
