then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
