Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
