Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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