Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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