I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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