the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
