Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
