Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
