She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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