Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Houston, we have a blender
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
