i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
