I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
