dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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