I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
