you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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