Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
