I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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