I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am naked and annoyed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
