i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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