I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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