We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
