Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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