I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
