high people should be assigned attendants
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
