bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
