your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
