I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
