My sheets look like a crime scene.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
