i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
